Dr Obnoxious' guide to being happy

You are depressed and happiness seems impossible but you couldn't be more wrong!. As long as your depression is not due to a chemical imbalance, which is often not the case (It is where Typey is concerned - the chemical being lager) these steps will help you feel happier by breaking your negative thought and the hold it has over you.

SEVEN steps to being happier

Gratitude
Think of your life right now. What good things are there to be thankful for? Start listing them on a piece of paper or just go over them in your head. The fact that you can find many positive things in your life no matter how depressed you may feel is comforting and will change your mood.
Example - You don't owe the bank 100s of thousands personally. The bank will not be repossessing your house soon will he? Also you were able to watch a pulsating 90 minutes of FA Cup football on Saturday - 3 goals, 2 sendings off. OK they were all against us, but it was entertaining. There you go, feeling better already aren't we.

Pause in the Moment
If you stop for one moment and forget the future and the past and concentrate on now, look around and ask yourself what is everything like now, you will see that there are no problems or worries in the present. Bring yourself into this present and forget everything else at least for as long as you can.
Example - We didn't lose a game today, it's Thursday. In the league table of 'today only', we're a comfotable mid table team (albeit alphabetically). Nobody was laughing at our inability to defend today, we tight at the back and nobody could score aginst us. Go Merthyr!!!

What if...?
What if you get that job you want? What if you make a new friend? What if everything goes well? What if and then something positive is mind changing! Instead of you always thinking negatively you will begin to expect something positive. Change can be good...
Example - What if the board at MTFC are right and there really is nothing to worry about. Who knows in 7 seasons time we could be playing Champions League football. What if there is a special booby prize of a million quid if you conceed over 150 goals this season. We'll be in god's pocket soon - I promise you!!

At least..
No matter how bad things appear you can always find a positive. Try adding at least to the end of your sentences when you here yourself begin to complain. I am fed up with my job but at least the hours are flexible. He talks too much but at least he is honest. This also will help you to think more positively. Depression makes everything black and this technique can help bring in a little light.
Example - At least the clumbsy keeper can't cost us three points this coming weekend as we've sacked him. At least your going to die at some point and the never ending gloom that is being a Merthyr fan will cease at that point. It's not so bad fella, is it?

Stop saying I can't
Realize that there are few things you can't do mostly what you are saying is that you don't want to do something. Examine why this is so - is it fear? Start correcting your statements and also those you tell yourself. you will be more happy as a result.
Example - We don't want to win games this season and are losing them as a reaction to society and the pressure it puts on kids to be winners. We've adopted the Corinthian ideals of taking part and fairplay to all. We are a beacon to the halceon days of the 1890's. Play up Merthyr, play up.

Start imagining things improving
What you can see as possible, is possible. If you dream something you can make it real. The only thing stopping you is your thinking and your fear. As soon as you think things can improve and you have the power to change your mood will be lighter and happiness much closer.
Example - Think of doing something else on a Saturday. Get a girlfriend, take her to the cinema. If you can't pull yourself away from football then maybe stay in the house and watch Jeff Stelling - just look away if the results at the bottom start with BGB FT .

Decide to be happier
Sounds too easy but yes you can decide to be happy or unhappy now! Decide to change what you can and accept what you can't and decide to be happy and more positive. You will weaken the grip that depression has over you.
Example - Basicly get a fu*king life you saddos and enter the real world. It's only football and our part is to be rubbish at it. Life in the Western Division was just as much fun, the football as nothing to do with it and is just a distraction. Have a beer and forget about it. In fact have more than one.

I hope this was of use and it's pulled all you Merthyr fans away from the edge of the chasm of depression that is MTFC. If this doesn't work - just think, you could be one of the inbred three armed bog monster supporters of Newport County. There you go, you just cracked a smile.
Dr Obnoxious