Global geo-economic pressure and the Terraces of Penydarren Park

It cannot have passed your attention but the world seems to be gripped by a global credit freeze with many economists having to raid each other’s thesaurus to find another word for recession, so how will the economic downturn (oh no I’m doing it now, damn you global media!) affect the Martyrs? What can we do to ride out the credit crunch and reach the golden sands of financial safety? It’s going to be tough, the rise in the price of oil affects us all especially as we reach the “peak-oil” period in the UK (we’ve probably already passed it), our domestic stocks can only diminish so we spend more resources seeking the ever-decreasing stocks around the globe, hello Antarctica!! The hike in oil prices causes an effect felt through transport to the very commodities in those Eddie Stobart lorries criss-crossing the country, we have to become self-sufficient at Penydarren Park.

So allow me to confirm stage one in the Dial M For Merthyr New Economic Plan; gather up your forks, shovels and hoes (no, not those ones) and meet me on the Theatre End as we unveil the new allotment society. All the players will be fed in-house with a diet of root vegetables maintaining our athletes for the campaign ahead. No longer will we have the luxury of practice matches on the current wasteland, the Board is to be congratulated for their foresight in adapting the area to agricultural use. What cannot be consumed by the players will be used as barter within the Borough of Merthyr Tydfil as the current capitalist society obviously collapses under the strain of the demise of oil, a few dozen beetroots will pay for the tandem bicycles required to transport the squad to our away match at Chepstow (it’s a long way but all down-hill thankfully for the lads, the return journey is a killer but as fans the game will be over so we won’t care). As you can see the Southern League will be configured on a regional basis, although if we maintain a large herd of Welsh mountain ponies above Bedlinog we could find ourselves in the Premier League.

Our squad of horsemen will be free to roam the island the week before matches using the goods produced at Penydarren Park as barter for accommodation and training areas. This doomsday scenario presents a problem for the Travel Club but a precendent has already been set, the bicycle trip from Merthyr to Bristol has shown that Merthyr fans are resourceful and no OPEC monopoly will change our desire to follow the fortunes of the Martyrs.

Football was first noted in the medieval period, the odds are that in the foreseeable future that the world could be heading for an equitable period in its history. Football will be there to entertain the peasants and from the spirit and expertise concentrated at Penydarren Park, you can be sure that Merthyr Tydfil FC will be there selling snake oil on the way but bringing home the points. The UEFA Cup may be an issue but I have a friend who owns a Viking long-ship in Porthcawl. Bilbao, here we come!!!

Chairman Mao